" I dont't Smoke " Really?? tsk.

When i was young, i despise smoker's. I look at them and ask myself, " What a waste, are they crazy?? are they aware of what they are doing?? They're afraid to die but they are asking for it ".

do smoking feel's GOOD???? YEAH IT DOES!! It FEEL'S DAMN GOOD!! I know, beacause im a SMOKER myself. What im writing right now is a contradict of my Title.. (original title: "I don't Smoke") i dont know why i wrote it in the first place??! Smoking feel's damn good.. i want to repeat it again and again and again.. for everyone to understand.. how a smoker feel's.. I started smoking when i was 13.. TOO YOUNG HUH!? but its reality.. i, too.. told myself " too young to do this.. but i cant stop". it started through Friends and FAMILY. My Family and Relatives are Chain Smokers.. not the old one's.. but the young one's.. like myself my cousins also started smoking at the age of 13.. my friends also do it.. they were 13-14-15... Im the youngest in the whole family, i desperately tried to fit in.. i don't want to be left out.. so i started to smoke and drink. It first became a past time hobby.. I only smoke 1 stick in two weeks or months.. (can you believe it.?? haha) then the feeling gets too strong.. i found myself.. buying it for fun.. smoking for fun.. ... ... until i fell into the trapped.. i know i cant get out... it's not too late.. i just cant feel the urged of .. of.. trying to stop it.. IT FEEL'S DAMN GOOD.. YOU CAN'T STOP. i smoked 20 sticks a day.. even 30 sticks a day.. I smoked when im angry, sad, lonely, happy, depressed, confused, bored.. and even after eating or taking a "poop".. i can't say it helped me.. but It makes me calm and composed.

.. i attemp to changed.. several times.. NO! MANY TIMES.. but i cant.. it's hard.. there was a time i did'nt smoke for a day.. but when i was about to go to sleep.. i kept thinking about it.. i cant sleep.. until i decided to give in and reward myself 1 stick for being able to endure it the whole day.. after my reward-smoking-session.. i lay down.. and i quicly dozed off.. funny huh?! but its true.. that's what a smoker feel's .. " we dont want it but we love to do it."

Maybe you're Thinking.. "if you really dont want to do it.. then dont.. what's wrong with you??" that's easy to tell huh!? because you're not in my position.. you're not in our position.. WE!! who desperately want and tried to change.. cant do it.. I CAN"T DO IT.

..some people changed.. from smoker to non-smoker.. I ENVY THEM. but i know someday i'll change.. when that SOMEDAY comes.. i'll write again a blog but its a different kind of blog this time, a blog that i can be proud of .. Titled : Smoker turned Non-Smoker! ---- simple huh?! but its a Meaningful title and blog for me... its my dream blog.. hope you can wait for it.

But WHEN WILL THAT SOMEDAY BE???